Are We Ready?

So some of my closest friends and family know that the hubs and I thought we were pregnant. Then, after about a ton of wishful thinking and 4 negative pregnancy tests it hit me I wasn't.

To clarify, we weren't trying but we had talked about it a lot. At first I wasn't sure I was even ready again. But then I was picking out names and looking at Jenny Lind style cribs. It hit me all over again how bad I want a baby again. Reality hit today that's for sure. I had to take a step back and think abut not just what we wanted but what our family needed and I think I am back on track now.

For starters, are we ready? Brock has an amazing job and we have enough love for a village. Is that enough? Then there is the questions of Hunter. Is he ready for a baby brother or sister and does that even really matter in the scheme of things? As he rapidly approaches one I think maybe he is. I think maybe we are. But...

What I have decided is that I don't care, not in the way I thought I did anyways. There are a thousand reasons why we should or should not. I could a couple pro/con lists and come to a conclusion just to change my mind he next day. Not only that, this disappointment showed me I am not strong enough or in the mind frame to be that hopeful every month. We have decided to leave it up t fate for now and see how things go. I am not entirely sure I can stop looking at my calendar and trying to control the situation but I am going to do my best. If in April, when Hunter turns the big ONE we still haven't gotten that answer we are looking for then we will begin trying in earnest. I am totally scared of having to do that but prepared to do what it takes to start growing our family again.

Stick with us, and see what the future holds!