Proverbs 31: Take Two

So last night we are leafing through my Bradley class workbook and I jokingly say how nice the exercise looks that deals with tensing up my entire body, and letting my coach massage the tension away. & Brock balks. & I get upset.

"You never want to participate."

"Why can we only do nice things when there is a kick-back for you?"

& other things, that lead to. 

"I don't mind giving you a massage." 

"I'll just do it."

which leads me to say things like,

"I don't want you to mind doing it."

What if I didn't mind being his wife? What if it wasn't something I did joyfully?

Anyways, this argument had been days in the making. We had spent the days before giving each other the silent treatment. We had just had a long talk over dinner about our expectations and here we are fighting again. The kind where I am on the couch, and we are yelling, YELLING about nothing. 

However, the root of the problem is that neither of us feel cherished or respected in this relationship. for me personally, I feel like a lot of things. None of them being his wife, his partner & best friend. I feel like Hunter's momma, and some one's best friend, and some one's sister but not my husbands wife. & neither of us feel like we put the other first.

& well, we don't. Not at all. We are both very selfish human beings. I spend my days thinking the most important thing is my son and growing daughter. He spends his days thinking he can put in his forty hours and call it a week. We love each other, we really do. That never sways for either of us. It is unconditional. The vow we made before God we both take seriously. I have never looked elsewhere in our marriage, and neither has he, I know that without a doubt. But do we put one another first? No.

Tonight at bible study, I think we both realized why. I had emailed the girls (all married, all with kids) and ask they just cover our marriage in prayer and explained the issues. Come to find out, every single couple was having these same issues. One of us had linked us all to this awesome blog, and another of us suggested we look deeper into Proverbs 31. We looked at how the verses don't necessarily translate to today's time and circumstances. Do I need to get up before the sun to bake bread and feed my servant girls? No. If I had servant girls, I guess I would feed them (kidding!) but I don't. Nor is it important for me to start weaving our bed linens and dyeing our clothes in the wee hours of the morning. The meat of the issue though, is still very relevant. Do I still need to cover my husband in prayer daily, becoming someone he is proud to have as his wife? Yes! Do I need to make myself presentable and spend my day in fear of our Creator? Yes! & most importantly do I need to spend time with the Lord, preparing myself for my day, and consequently that of my husband and children! Absolutely! 

We talked tonight about how important it is to put our priorities in line. It's such a simple process when you think about it! Wake up every morning and wait for it, put God first! Not the house work, not the kids, not the husband. What? Marriage works without putting your spouse first? Yes, yes it does! Just like everything else in life, if we spend time every day clothing ourselves in God's armor and growing in the Lord then everything else will fall in line. Naturally, if I have my life in line, and my heart where it should be, then my husband will feel like he is the only priority I have. So will my children! How amazing would that be. & if Brock does the same, I too will feel loved and cherished and special. Because I will be!

It's such a wake up call. I know we both have so much work to do, but two years into this I think we have plenty of time. Especially now that we both see that the faults in our marriage do not lie within the other person, but rather are things we should be changing about ourselves. I cannot wait to examine my flaws, and start changing them. Knowing he is doing the same, and preparing ourselves to be the best possible mates & parents!

Meeting our Support Team!

So yesterday was a big day for us! Due to some insurance changes we missed our 16 week appointment for Hadley. Then we switches practices and so that was another stressor for me. Yesterday was our first appointment with the amazing staff at See Baby Atlanta, and Intown Midwifery. 

Brock took off since both offices are located in Atlanta and I am a complete moron when it comes to anything "ATL". We made it to our first appointment about 30 minutes early, and after a couple insurance issues that made me cry (go figure!) we went back to see the ultrasound tech. This appointment was focusing on the 20 week anatomy scan. The whole process took about 20-25 minutes and it was wonderful. Our sweet tech was so verbal about what we were seeing, and very personable. She confirmed that Hadley was still indeed, a girl, and had grown no extra parts! Great news!

As we were leaving, they asked us to wait, because Dr. Bootstaylor wanted to see us. Me being who I am, immediately thought something was wrong. Why else would he want to see us? Come to find out he just wanted to meet us! It was so great to have him tell me that everything would be okay, and he totally validated our decision to switch practices, as well as have the VBAC. He gave us a run down of our scan, letting us know everything looked great. Then he told us a projected weight, and so if I keep up at the rate I am going, we are looking at maybe 7lbs 7oz. Smaller than her brother, but a good, healthy weight!

Then it was over to Intown for our appointment there. We found it pretty easily, even if we did park in the wrong deck and have to walk a country mile. We met with Anjli who was just as lovely as I imagined she would be. She spent more time just talking to us, than every appointment combined with my pregnancy with Hunter. It was so nice to have someone be genuinely interested in my previous story and just as curious about what I expected from this pregnancy and birth. Brock and I both left feeling so empowered and supported!

Add that all to the fact we have the most dedicated and passionate doula/friend to go through all of this with us and we are so thrilled about how this will all happen! I am by no means against any form of birth, but I just want the birth experience I have this time, be the one I was meant to have. I feel like that because of the amazing staff at these two practices I will have just that!

So, we leave tomorrow for the beach and I have just an overwhelming sense of peace about everything at the halfway point. I can enjoy my vacation! Bring on the sunshine!

20 Weeks

Here goes...

 

How far along: 20 Weeks, Halfway baby girl!

Total weight gain/loss: Still down about 18, but baby girl is growing and my appetite is back most days so I should catch back up soon

Maternity clothes: All the old favorites. Leggings, maternity shorts from Motherhood that I live in. Most of my old tops and some new ones! Also broke down and bought the super soft maternity tanks from Target! They are fabulous!

Stretch Marks: Unfortunately yes, I hear they are genetic. Thanks Mom! Bought some Momma Oil by Burt's Bees I am giving a shot, as well as Palmer's Stretch mark cream.

Sleep: Sleeping much better at night. About 4:00 everyday I am ready for a good nap! Some days I get one, some days I don't!

Best Moment this week: I am going to guess it will be our anatomy scan on Thursday! Can't wait to see her sweet face!

Miss anything: Sleeping on my belly!

Movement: Like crazy lately. Moving up closer to my belly button. Had my first kick that made me stop and go "woah!" the other day!

Food Cravings:Still sweet tea. Also fried chicken randomly the other day, and watermelon. I could eat it daily.

Anything make you sick or queasy: Water, but only if I drink it first thing in the morning. Which I always do.

Have you started to show yet: There is no hiding this big bump! Nice and round though so I am happy about that!

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks every so often.

Belly Button in or out: In, but starting to pop a little. It never did with Hunter so we will so.

Wedding Rings on or off: On, loose actually.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy :)

Looking forward to: Our appts on Thursday with our new doctors and then our first family beach trip this weekend!