Let me Tell You

Where I am today..

Where I am today is a happy place. My happy place. This past week I was in the briar patch. 

& yes, I did just go old school South and reference "Song of the South" and Brer Rabbit. Haven't seen it? Well, bless your heart.

Where I am today is a chai tea latte on the porch after dress shopping with my sister. It's holding hands with my little boy while he fell asleep in the car. Today is a yellow sweater that made me happy just to put it on. Today is moving forward. Not away from the past but towards the future. Does that make sense?

This  past week was discouragement. It was a time of tears every night before bed, and sheer thankfulness to be alive every morning. It was checking and double checking locks and Bug to make sure he was there and breathing at least twice before bed. I hate (yes, HATE) that fear that crept into our lives this week. I hate being that angry, that defeated. 

I was weak, and through prayer for Peace, some good girlfriends, and a husband and little boy who I have to be happy for I am strong again.

Today I heard that my baby sister is on a bible reading plan (not that it is crazy news, I was just reminded and it warmed my heart), and the other night my husband covered us in prayer before bed. We aren't perfect. We are new Christians. Baby believers if you will, but we are working towards the goal, everyday gleaning more from the word! Thank God for that.

In other news, life is crazy. But it is that beautiful crazy that means our lives are real and full. Sure, we have a few bills that aren't paid and everyone has a runny nose, but we are happy and together and there are even gifts under the tree and honeybaked ham in the fridge. Yeah, baby!

I am just so ready to be playing with little man on Christmas morning, and even though its a hussle and bussle holiday I am excited for every second of it. Bring it on this weekend. 

Signs

Obviously, the shooting has touched us all. As a mother I felt particularly emotional. Last night, after Hunter was asleep and it was Brock and I in bed I was just really upset. Brock prayed for us, and all the little things as well as for those precious babies and their families. Afterwords, I asked Brock to go with me to check on Hunter one more time. We walked in there and I looked down and him and looked at Brock and smiled. I looked back down at my baby boy and I said "I love you man. I am so very thankful for you."

& then my heart melted.

He opened his eyes (after hours of sleep, mind you) and looked up at me. He blinked a couple of times.Then he rolled over and I covered him back up and he went back to sleep.

Of course I cried all the way back to our bedroom. I just felt like that was my little angel looking at me and saying "It's going to be okay, Mom." I just felt like my baby was telling me there was still good in the world.

All this shooting has done is give that awful man everything he wanted, pain and hurt by the truckload, media attention, turning his name into a household name. It has made people see the world in a bad way, made some of us loose hope. Hunter showed me there is still good in the world. There are still sweet innocent babies that we owe it to, to raise in a way that is beautiful and uplifting to our Creator.

I love each and every one of those little miracles, and what they stand for, and I will never forget them or the countless other children that go on every day for different reasons. Cancer, accidents, abuse, neglect.

I will raise Hunter to honor life, and love. In some small way that is how I will honor your names. & when I hold my little boy tight I will know that my God is holding you all.

Bewildered

I just spent the third night in a row, rocking my Hunter in front of the humidifier, trying to sing "you are my sunshine" but loosing my breath. The third night I rocked him back to sleep and sucked out boogers after midnight, all to make him well enough to sleep. && I would gladly do that every day for the rest of his infancy to keep him safe and under my wing. Tonight, I wanted to hold him tight and savor his curly hair and baby smell. He is innocent like this only once and as his mother if protecting him at this point means keeping a cold away I'll do my best job at just that.

My heart aches for you mothers an fathers in Conn tonight. I would love to hold you all close and tell you how very sorry I am for your loss but I can't, and so in my own insignificant way I will pray over you from Georgia and cover you in the only way I know how.

Dear Lord, my heart aches for those in conn tonight. For the sweet babies you brought home today. I pray their loved ones can find peace in that and in your promise to overcome the world. Please touch them with your light and hold your hand on their hearts and heal them like only you can. Please give the community the strength it needs to move forward, the law enforcement officials the guidance to pursue these criminals and the families of the shooters, that they can find answers as well. Lord I ask you be with this nation, help us feel your guidance and draw ever closer to you. In your sweet and precious name, Amen.

So sad tonight. Hold your loved ones close.

Growing

This morning I:

 

pulled out 12 month clothes for Winter

washed sippy cups

watched Hunter drink out of one for the first time

witnessed his firs army crawl

sat in the floor for 10 blessed minutes and shared oatmeal with my sweet boy, listened to him call for "dada"

pureeed beets and butternut squash

cooked quinoa to go with it

watched "Marley & Me" with him nd cried, of course

 

 

I look at this list, and wow. He is growing. & so very fast. Where has eight months gone? Where is my baby boy? Instead there is this fast moving, boy with a tooth and a first sound. I am so in love with him! He is so smart, and so very funny. He has quite the personality! Looking for to the next 4 months, not so much how fast they will go though!

 

Enjoy every minute with your little ones, as cliche as it is is goes quick!

 

Happy Thursday!

You know you have been slacking when you talk to your husband on his lunch break and he says, "Babe, your beautiful, eloquently written blog is lacking posts." Or something like that ;)

Actually, he is right. Our life has been this hectic mess of Christmas decorating, photo shoots, holiday baking, and just generally running around like the proverbial beheaded chicken.

But, life is good.

Dinner is cooked daily with the sweet sounds of Michael Buble in the background, yet the strange Georgia December weather has me abandoning boots for flip flops and layers for t-shirts! I tried to wear a scarf the other day and it was a bust, I felt ridiculous.

Anyways, Bug had shots today so we are taking it easy. Doing a little mall shopping with my girlfriends tomorrow, and that is much needed.

Stay tuned, as more holiday goodies will be worth talking about in the next week or so!