As this pregnancy progresses I am increasingly aware of my options regarding this birth. With Hunter, I didn't really have any expectations. However, when my delivery ended up being an emergency c-section I felt as if I had been robbed, and was disappointed. Then, as I healed beautifully and was sharing my life with this beautiful, healthy baby I just felt joyful that he was here and blessed to be healing so well.
This time around I am not afraid at all to admit that I am scared. 200% terrified of a traditional birth. My labor was long. It was long, and it was scary and I didn't even experience contractions really because I opted for the epidural so fast. & going off on a tangent here, maybe that's why I couldn't labor effectively. Maybe there was too much medical intervention.Then again, maybe my body just wasn't going to do what it needed to do. Who knows?
So as I sit here with 6 1/2 months to go, of just sitting, and worrying and thinking I just don't know how I want to handle things this go around.
I have many options. My Dr's office, though not completely natural & organic in their approach, supports my decision for a trial of labor. However, if I don't go into labor naturally by 40 weeks they will proceed with the C-Section, no inductions, no matter what. With this option, I can go to my local hospital where I am familiar with the surroundings and will be close enough for Hunter to visit regularly while we are there. It also is beautiful and the facilities are amazing.
My other option is a midwifery that I have been in contact with. They promote the woman's choice and there is a fabulous Doctor on call 24/7 in case medical intervention is necessary. However, I am not in love with the hospital they deliver at.
The things holding me back from either option are completely selfish! I would love to deliver at Kennestone but to do so means going with a Dr I am not comfortable with. There is also a cost issue. It is so much more expensive to deliver via C-Section but I am so terrified of the "trauma" of a vaginal birth! The word "episiotomy" makes my skin crawl. Which is ironic since I was completely cut open with Bug. (Sorry to be blunt, I am assuming if you are reading you are my husband or a woman, and you get me) & in the end I am scared that even if I choose a VBAC, that my body will betray me again and I will end up in an operating room. What if I just can't have my babies the way I am supposed to. Scary thought. I don't want to be a cop out, but hey, I am a hormonal woman with natural fears and worries. Anyone have any stories of their own they would like to share?
If not, journey along with me in this crazy pregnancy roller coaster. Stick around and you will see one of two things happen. I will come to a decision, made with practical thoughts and reasons or I will lose my mind in the attempt, and the you know what will hit the fan in the end, with things going just as they are bound to.
1 comment:
Girl, do you realize that no one is going to give you a medal or a gold star for having a vaginal delivery? Do what is best for you and the baby, regardless of cost or pride. Having a baby via c-section is not a cop out, your body was not cooperating. Shit happens, and it doesn't make you any less of a woman or a mother. I had a c-section and had a lot of pain afterwards, so I guess that was my "labor of love". You carried that big ole boy for 9 months, you are his mama. I don't really like the whole induction thing with pitocin so, I'm with you on that. Let things take their course and see what happens. I promise you that it will all work out just fine, whether or not you have a vaginal or cesarean delivery. Another beautiful Watkins baby! <3
I wish that I was able to have another child so, you could pep talk me too..LOL
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