So last night we are leafing through my Bradley class workbook and I jokingly say how nice the exercise looks that deals with tensing up my entire body, and letting my coach massage the tension away. & Brock balks. & I get upset.
"You never want to participate."
"Why can we only do nice things when there is a kick-back for you?"
& other things, that lead to.
"I don't mind giving you a massage."
"I'll just do it."
which leads me to say things like,
"I don't want you to mind doing it."
What if I didn't mind being his wife? What if it wasn't something I did joyfully?
Anyways, this argument had been days in the making. We had spent the days before giving each other the silent treatment. We had just had a long talk over dinner about our expectations and here we are fighting again. The kind where I am on the couch, and we are yelling, YELLING about nothing.
However, the root of the problem is that neither of us feel cherished or respected in this relationship. for me personally, I feel like a lot of things. None of them being his wife, his partner & best friend. I feel like Hunter's momma, and some one's best friend, and some one's sister but not my husbands wife. & neither of us feel like we put the other first.
& well, we don't. Not at all. We are both very selfish human beings. I spend my days thinking the most important thing is my son and growing daughter. He spends his days thinking he can put in his forty hours and call it a week. We love each other, we really do. That never sways for either of us. It is unconditional. The vow we made before God we both take seriously. I have never looked elsewhere in our marriage, and neither has he, I know that without a doubt. But do we put one another first? No.
Tonight at bible study, I think we both realized why. I had emailed the girls (all married, all with kids) and ask they just cover our marriage in prayer and explained the issues. Come to find out, every single couple was having these same issues. One of us had linked us all to this awesome blog, and another of us suggested we look deeper into Proverbs 31. We looked at how the verses don't necessarily translate to today's time and circumstances. Do I need to get up before the sun to bake bread and feed my servant girls? No. If I had servant girls, I guess I would feed them (kidding!) but I don't. Nor is it important for me to start weaving our bed linens and dyeing our clothes in the wee hours of the morning. The meat of the issue though, is still very relevant. Do I still need to cover my husband in prayer daily, becoming someone he is proud to have as his wife? Yes! Do I need to make myself presentable and spend my day in fear of our Creator? Yes! & most importantly do I need to spend time with the Lord, preparing myself for my day, and consequently that of my husband and children! Absolutely!
We talked tonight about how important it is to put our priorities in line. It's such a simple process when you think about it! Wake up every morning and wait for it, put God first! Not the house work, not the kids, not the husband. What? Marriage works without putting your spouse first? Yes, yes it does! Just like everything else in life, if we spend time every day clothing ourselves in God's armor and growing in the Lord then everything else will fall in line. Naturally, if I have my life in line, and my heart where it should be, then my husband will feel like he is the only priority I have. So will my children! How amazing would that be. & if Brock does the same, I too will feel loved and cherished and special. Because I will be!
It's such a wake up call. I know we both have so much work to do, but two years into this I think we have plenty of time. Especially now that we both see that the faults in our marriage do not lie within the other person, but rather are things we should be changing about ourselves. I cannot wait to examine my flaws, and start changing them. Knowing he is doing the same, and preparing ourselves to be the best possible mates & parents!
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