Let me Tell You

Where I am today..

Where I am today is a happy place. My happy place. This past week I was in the briar patch. 

& yes, I did just go old school South and reference "Song of the South" and Brer Rabbit. Haven't seen it? Well, bless your heart.

Where I am today is a chai tea latte on the porch after dress shopping with my sister. It's holding hands with my little boy while he fell asleep in the car. Today is a yellow sweater that made me happy just to put it on. Today is moving forward. Not away from the past but towards the future. Does that make sense?

This  past week was discouragement. It was a time of tears every night before bed, and sheer thankfulness to be alive every morning. It was checking and double checking locks and Bug to make sure he was there and breathing at least twice before bed. I hate (yes, HATE) that fear that crept into our lives this week. I hate being that angry, that defeated. 

I was weak, and through prayer for Peace, some good girlfriends, and a husband and little boy who I have to be happy for I am strong again.

Today I heard that my baby sister is on a bible reading plan (not that it is crazy news, I was just reminded and it warmed my heart), and the other night my husband covered us in prayer before bed. We aren't perfect. We are new Christians. Baby believers if you will, but we are working towards the goal, everyday gleaning more from the word! Thank God for that.

In other news, life is crazy. But it is that beautiful crazy that means our lives are real and full. Sure, we have a few bills that aren't paid and everyone has a runny nose, but we are happy and together and there are even gifts under the tree and honeybaked ham in the fridge. Yeah, baby!

I am just so ready to be playing with little man on Christmas morning, and even though its a hussle and bussle holiday I am excited for every second of it. Bring it on this weekend. 

Signs

Obviously, the shooting has touched us all. As a mother I felt particularly emotional. Last night, after Hunter was asleep and it was Brock and I in bed I was just really upset. Brock prayed for us, and all the little things as well as for those precious babies and their families. Afterwords, I asked Brock to go with me to check on Hunter one more time. We walked in there and I looked down and him and looked at Brock and smiled. I looked back down at my baby boy and I said "I love you man. I am so very thankful for you."

& then my heart melted.

He opened his eyes (after hours of sleep, mind you) and looked up at me. He blinked a couple of times.Then he rolled over and I covered him back up and he went back to sleep.

Of course I cried all the way back to our bedroom. I just felt like that was my little angel looking at me and saying "It's going to be okay, Mom." I just felt like my baby was telling me there was still good in the world.

All this shooting has done is give that awful man everything he wanted, pain and hurt by the truckload, media attention, turning his name into a household name. It has made people see the world in a bad way, made some of us loose hope. Hunter showed me there is still good in the world. There are still sweet innocent babies that we owe it to, to raise in a way that is beautiful and uplifting to our Creator.

I love each and every one of those little miracles, and what they stand for, and I will never forget them or the countless other children that go on every day for different reasons. Cancer, accidents, abuse, neglect.

I will raise Hunter to honor life, and love. In some small way that is how I will honor your names. & when I hold my little boy tight I will know that my God is holding you all.

Bewildered

I just spent the third night in a row, rocking my Hunter in front of the humidifier, trying to sing "you are my sunshine" but loosing my breath. The third night I rocked him back to sleep and sucked out boogers after midnight, all to make him well enough to sleep. && I would gladly do that every day for the rest of his infancy to keep him safe and under my wing. Tonight, I wanted to hold him tight and savor his curly hair and baby smell. He is innocent like this only once and as his mother if protecting him at this point means keeping a cold away I'll do my best job at just that.

My heart aches for you mothers an fathers in Conn tonight. I would love to hold you all close and tell you how very sorry I am for your loss but I can't, and so in my own insignificant way I will pray over you from Georgia and cover you in the only way I know how.

Dear Lord, my heart aches for those in conn tonight. For the sweet babies you brought home today. I pray their loved ones can find peace in that and in your promise to overcome the world. Please touch them with your light and hold your hand on their hearts and heal them like only you can. Please give the community the strength it needs to move forward, the law enforcement officials the guidance to pursue these criminals and the families of the shooters, that they can find answers as well. Lord I ask you be with this nation, help us feel your guidance and draw ever closer to you. In your sweet and precious name, Amen.

So sad tonight. Hold your loved ones close.

Growing

This morning I:

 

pulled out 12 month clothes for Winter

washed sippy cups

watched Hunter drink out of one for the first time

witnessed his firs army crawl

sat in the floor for 10 blessed minutes and shared oatmeal with my sweet boy, listened to him call for "dada"

pureeed beets and butternut squash

cooked quinoa to go with it

watched "Marley & Me" with him nd cried, of course

 

 

I look at this list, and wow. He is growing. & so very fast. Where has eight months gone? Where is my baby boy? Instead there is this fast moving, boy with a tooth and a first sound. I am so in love with him! He is so smart, and so very funny. He has quite the personality! Looking for to the next 4 months, not so much how fast they will go though!

 

Enjoy every minute with your little ones, as cliche as it is is goes quick!

 

Happy Thursday!

You know you have been slacking when you talk to your husband on his lunch break and he says, "Babe, your beautiful, eloquently written blog is lacking posts." Or something like that ;)

Actually, he is right. Our life has been this hectic mess of Christmas decorating, photo shoots, holiday baking, and just generally running around like the proverbial beheaded chicken.

But, life is good.

Dinner is cooked daily with the sweet sounds of Michael Buble in the background, yet the strange Georgia December weather has me abandoning boots for flip flops and layers for t-shirts! I tried to wear a scarf the other day and it was a bust, I felt ridiculous.

Anyways, Bug had shots today so we are taking it easy. Doing a little mall shopping with my girlfriends tomorrow, and that is much needed.

Stay tuned, as more holiday goodies will be worth talking about in the next week or so!

Book Review {Bloom}

Years ago, and I am not sure how, I ran across a blog. I read it, throughly enjoying the raw beauty of this woman's story. At the time I had almost nothing to connect me to her. Nothing that spoke out to me and screamed that she and I were somehow "bonded". Then, when I was pregnant I found it again on Pinterest. 

I guess I should explain a little. Kelle is a mom, photographer and writer that lives in Florida. She has two step sons, a daughter, and then there is Nella, the beautiful inspiration for the blog, & then book that touched my heart.

The post is the beautiful birth story of her second daughter, Nella Cordelia. 

Reading it again I couldn't help but feel closer to Kelle. Like my mother's heart, and the little body inside of me made us sisters somehow. The same way I feel for all of my friends who are mothers I felt for Kelle. I hurt for Kelle. Her beautiful, sweet daughter was born with an extra chrmosome, and Kelle's world was rocked. I have her post tucked away in a folder on my computer somewhere but I am sad to say I forgot about baby Nella.

Then I found my own passion for blogging again, and when I started lining up some of my favorite blogs to follow I found once again, Enjoying the Small Things. I noticed in the sidebar that she had written a book, and I was hooked. I got the sample that night from the book store on my Ipad. I asked Brock to watch Hunter for awhile and I started reading as I sank into a hot bath. When I finished the preciew I was anxious for the rest, and purchased it then and there. For three nights after that I would wait for Brock to fall asleep and I would open it up and start reading. A few nights I would start out in the bath or couch and move my way to bed unable to tear myself away. Kelle's eloquent writing, and raw emotion had me mesmerized and I read as fast as I could. I would cry, I would laugh and I felt like I knew baby Nella the whole way through. 

I was thankful for my own healthy boy, and thankful for the gracious way Kelle showed me how to be an accepting, grateful mother. 

The sad was tempered with the sweetest stories of overcoming heartache and the joy that lies in family and sweet friends. The pages were dotted with beautiful full color photographs of this woman's heart, laid out in print. Photos of her children, her journey, and her face the first time she noticed Nella's. Many times I would call for Brock to come look, "Look babe, look how beautiful she is." And she is that, beautiful. Precious. Angelic even.

This book will forever have a place on my shelves. (as soon as I buy a copy!)

I urge everyone, and I mean everyone to buy and read this beautiful love story. You will not regret it.

Kelle wrote,

"Mothers have multiple hearts-one that beats inside them, rhythmically pumping  blood up and down, in and out- and one for every child she welcomes. And while the former of these hearts is brilliantly attached to the body where a labyrinth of nerve connectors that tell it how and when to respond, the latter of these hearts is likewise connected. Your child's sorrows are magnified within you, and you celebrate their joys tenfold."

You will be moved, I promise.

You can order here.

I am in no way being asked to write, or being paid to write this review. Simply put, my heart has been touched, and I want to share that with you.

Lazy Wednesday

Today was a sweet day. Daddy stays home one day a week and today was his day home. I knew it was starting out good when Hunter let us sleep till 10:00! What a champ!

Anyways, we woke up and played in our bed together and that is definately one of my favorite parts of our week. Hunter is such a happy baby before bed and right when he wakes up. But back to our special day!

After yummy omelets Bug took a LONG nap! What a sweet boy...

Then we all got dressed, Hunter in his new Black Friday, Baby Gap scores of course, and hit the road.

First stop was lunch at Moes, and since it's Wednesday kiddos eat free. We let Hunter have some little bites of quesidilla and some watered down lemonade for a real treat. He loved it of course, but I never had any doubts. After lunch we stopped into Barnes and Noble.

I found heaven in a Grande sized cup of Caramel Apple Spice, extra caramel. && then I found happiness in turning the corner of the kids section to find Brock & Hunter in the floor reading something about a blue truck and some friendly farm animals. So sweet! I thought I loved my husband but nothing makes my love for him stronger than watching him love our son.

We took turns browsing for ourselves and reading books to Bug for about an hour and then we got in the car and turned for home.

So here we are, with Brock snuggling Hunter on the couch and the tree on for Hunter's amusement and me typing away while some steak thaws for Teriyaki steak and veggies. I hope your day, lazy or crazy, was as beautiful as ours.

Joy

Christmas. As I turn the page on Thanksgiving every year, and start slowly letting Christmas in my life I truly begin to feel like a child again. I know that is just about as cliche as it gets but it is so very true. There is something about Christmas that makes you look forward to new exciting memories and just relish every thing about what this season means. For me, this year is so much sweeter. There is no procrastination on my part. Friday we had the miscellaneous decor up and the tree went up last night. Hunter was already in bed and I literally had trouble sleeping because I was so excited for him to see it this morning! && sure enough, his little smile was ear to ear! I can't wait to watch Christmas change and evolve as Hunter does. Anyways, here are a couple of shots I took last night.

Enjoy!

By the way, I am totally thanking my last years self for neatly wrapping the lights back up and marking the 40+ feet of garland where each swag is so that this years self wouldn't need a cold beer and a sedative when I got done hanging them both. Tomorrow, Mr.Watkins is hanging outdoor lights, like it or not. && if I can convince him to go Griswold I will. Never underestimate the sway of a woman who was thoroughly educated in all things, "Christmas Vacation".

Merry Christmas, Clark!

Aching

I have an almost 8 month old. So what I am about to say may, and probably will shock you. However, since I am almost positive that "you" refers to only two or three readers and one is my sister, one is my husband, and the other is the space where I send these ramblings out into to just be, I will shock away.

I am aching to be a mother again. My. body actually craves a baby's kick. I want so badly to feel those first stirrings and know, Brock and I have created life and that in nine short months we have to jump on that roller coaster that is caring for a newborn.

I find myself so many times reaching down for my belly like I so often did when I was pregnant with Hunter. Sometimes I think of names, and when I am doodling on my grocery list sometimes I even jot them down and then furiously cross them out because it's crazy to even think about another right? Right? I mean, everyone says wait. Wait till you can afford two. Wait till one is out of diapers. Just wait.

But I don't want to. I want to hear another heartbeat. I want to wear my maternity clothes again and start planning another nursery. I want to hold Brock's hand really tightly as they try to get the shot that will reveal our babies gender. I want to go through 28 more hours of delivery and be rewarded at the end by the tinniest most precious sound on earth, my babies first cry.

I want it all. I want to make Bug a big brother. I want to hear Brock tell me I am beautiful and that he is proud of me in the midst of a grueling labor.

But, as I looked in on Hunter tonight, and I noticed how his elbows dimple and I wanted so badly to scoop him up and kiss those very same dimples it hit me hard. He is growing up so fast. If I rush his infancy, I will certainly miss some of those moments.

So, I will suppress the hunger for awhile longer. I will snuggle my little man for as long as possible and call him my "baby" as long as he'll allow me. && when the time is right I'll find myself huddled over the bathroom sink once again, waiting on two sweet pink lines.

Turkey Weekend

At my house, there are months of excitement that lead up to what should be one day of splurging on food, then splurging on gifts while claiming to "save money" on the big deals! This year however, Turkey day spanned from Thursday to today, which is Sunday. Wow.

My house had been the "hub" for Thanksgiving the past two years & I love it. My mother cooks her turkey and the dressing, and my sister and I split up about a dozen delicious sides and go to town on whatever desserts strike our fancy. I love the prep work, and the cleaning, and the decor. I'm in my element hosting just about anything. My one peeve is not being able to put up Christmas stuff as soon as I'd like, but that momentum leading up to putting up the tree is pretty exciting too!

Anyways, this year was pretty great, being Hunter's first and all. && even better, he got to eat right along with us. And eat he did! That baby has an appetite that rivals mine and his Daddy's! 

So here are a few from that party...

Whitlea Claire.

Whiskey Glazed Carrots. Recipe courtesy of Ree Drummond, Pioneer Woman.

Sweet Taters.

Thanks to my hubby for this awesome picture (not!)

&& this is Claire Bear, after dinner.

Gotta love this happy, happy boy.

Sitting on the porch after stuffing our faces!

My Pinterest inspired centerpiece.

Mine & Hunter Man's plates. Look how cute!

 This next set of photos is from the Watkin's get together. We had a little impromtu photo shoot! & that cheesecake you are about to see? TO DIE FOR! I found the recipe on a blog I follow. The Creative Mama. Pumpkin Cheesecake caught my eye but since it was my first cheesecake I was extremely nervous that a) it would not turn out right as far as texture goes and b) would taste like cinnamon flavored cardboard. 

It was neither of those things. It was smooth, and delicious and my father in law asked me not to loose that recipe so I am calling it a winner!

 All in all it was one of my favorite Thanksgivings! Hunter was a doll and everything came out pretty good. Black Friday shopping was a blast and we are still eating left overs. Guess you could call us happy campers!

Hope your Thanksgiving made you just as grateful for everything you have as mine did!

Fridays Letters

Dear Brock, you got a little wild and crazy Saturday. You brought me home flowers on Monday. Well played my love. Dear Thanksgiving, less than a week!!! Whoop Whoop!! I will stuff my face and attempt to play hostess. All at the same time!! Dear Georgia Weather, make up your mind! You are cold, you are warm. You rain, you shine. My head is spinning and my feet are always cold. Sheesh. Dear Lover boy. I am taking onions out of all the Thanksgiving dishes for you. & that is love. You are welcome.

6 Days till Turkey Day!!!

Just when you think...

That you have failed as a mother something happens that just melts your heart and makes you so very thankful to be where you are. Today and yesterday Bug was not feeling well. His little sad eyes have been breaking my heart. I have done everything in my power to remember its just a cold and colds happen but I have prided myself on the fact that Hunter has never been sick.

Anyways, we hate the booger picker around here. You know the ones. Big orange bulb looking things the hospital sends home with new mommies. I have had to use it multiple times a day for his runny nose. Usually, he protests but is a really good sport. Usually, until today. Today he fought me and cried big fat crocodile tears before finally going limp and just crying with no sound. Here I am, holding down my 7 month old son and begging him to calm down. I am in tears, even though I know it is for his own good. When I am done and he is just spent I scoop him up and we go to our favorite chair and I just whisper over and over, "Mommy is here. Mommy is here."

After a couple of minutes he finds his favorite place under my chin and falls into the worlds deepest baby sleep.

And then I smile.

It's hard. The things we have to do as parents are tough. && because of it we have to be tough as nails. Hard and strict and full of love. As I'm making Bug miserable it was easy to think I am not doing anything right. When he was happy and comfortable I thought to myself, " Hey, you are doing this! We are doing this. & best of all no one told us how. No one told me when and how to use that mean old booger picker. No one told me just how to rock that sweet boy to sleep when he needs his Momma most.

This things all come from my love of that boy. A love that started the minute I saw the plus sign. A love that grew the first time I heard his heartbeat, and felt the first flutter. A love that knows no bounds, and has been rock solid since the first time I heard him cry.

I am a mother. I will be his first everything and he will be my heart forever. We will tackle the cold monsters together.

All is well in he Watkins house...

At least for the night.

{Friday's Letters}

Dear Brock Hayden, Lovin' the five o' clock shadow. How ironic though, that I am used to the lack of beard, just as it's bout to start coming in strong. Way to keep this lady guessing. Dear Holidays, I can just taste all the Thanksgiving goodies already! You are not coming fast enough, and that's a fact! I cannot wait to make Nanee's sweet potato souffle and eat it for days and days. Bliss, total bliss. Dear Baby Led Weaning, you are pretty awesome! However you are the messiest baby adventure we have com across. You deserve a blog post of your own. Stay posted for that one, complete with super sweet pictures of Bug trying avocado. Get excited. Dear Husband of Mine, you are so special to me. I have been planning your birthday for days now. (Yes, it is in February) but you know I am a planner! Can't wait to surprise you with a month full of all the things you love!

Five O'Clock Mini Meltdown

Or was it?

This morning, (and by morning I mean 20 mins ago) I had a moment. Hence lying here in bed feeling bad about it and finding it necessary to burden you with my troubles.

Anyways, Brock is in charge of morning feedings. The end. He is also a champion baby washer but as far as his number one duty outside of just loving Hunter unconditionally is that early morning feeding. He does it without fail & without complaint. Go Dad! So this morning when Brock woke me and told me he had put some Mommy 's Milk out to thaw I was instantly in a tizzy! "Don't you have time to feed him?" I asked in what I am sure was not a nice tone. He calmly explained that we were out of formula for that morning bottle and he didn't have time to properly thaw one. So I drag my mean little butt out of bed and do it myself. When I get it done before he leaves, I make sure he knows. Literally the minute he walks out the door I am kicking myself in the rear!

I wasn't dragged out of bed to "work" per se, nor was it really a loss of my precious sleep. It was a chance to spend 5 minutes more than I normally would have with my awesome kid who loves to cuddle when he is sleepy more than I love holiday coffee! {which is a lot, I might add!}

It was a chance to tell my husband how much I love him face to face and conscious, rather than the usual sleepy I love you, goodbye.

Why am I not more thankful and PRESENT! These tasks we do without thought are more than just obligations, they are privileges. How dare I waste one single moment?

It is something I will have to remind myself for the rest of my life. The sense of urgency will remain but as long as I can temper it with moments where I am just still, just being, I think we will be okay.

My goal for today: some quiet time with my Father, and peace that most mornings I have a great hubby who does that not so loved task, without ever asking me,"Can't you do it?"

Moments

So today as I struggled with the time change and a general lack of motivation regarding all things housewife, I was reminded that it is in fact the little things that make this life so sweet. On that other hand it is the "little things" that drive us crazy on a daily basis.

And I had to remind myself I am going to miss all those things. Good or bad.

For instance.

Brock wears button ups. All. The. Time. & without fail, he refuses to button to the top. Not like, top button to wear a tie. Just the one below that. I always come behind him and button it, and he always finds a way to undo it when I am not looking. Drives me crazy!!! Seriously though, is there going to be a time I miss those moments where I catch him with it unbuttoned and we both get a good laugh? Probably!

& then there is Hunter. Today he decided to become a champion boxer. He would literally fight me when I would go to rock him. He does this sometimes. Gets in these moods where he does not want to be held, yet doesn't want to go to sleep on his own in his bed! So we fight, and usually I win. & because of the struggle when he goes to sleep I put him down immediately. Tonight before bed I reminded myself that I will miss all of that. When he is finally done fighting and is asleep I should be cherishing every single moment. Will I miss the struggle and the time spent making him realize he really is tired? Maybe not! But what I will miss is when his eyes shut and he breathes even and we are just there together. Soon he will be on the move! Shame on me for not loving every second of snuggling he gives me.

I need to take more time to reflect on all that I am thankful every. Every little moment. Good or bad.

Leaves, yummy!

Took Bug out to the park this morning for an impromtu photo shoot :) Brock did something I love, he took the camera and got some of Hunter & I! I feel like all of our family photos are Brock and Hunter, with Mommy taking the picture. It's nice to be in the frame for once!

Anyways, Hunter wouldn't look at the camera to save his life nor smile in a posey sort of way, but they work! As always, he is my favorite little model. Here we go...

 

 

Friday's Letters

It is with complete happiness & peace of mind that I write today's post. My sweet son just fell asleep in my arms and I laid him down for a long nap. I am sitting in the sun room with big plans to start my Blurb book and the weather is killer. There is a cup of coffee waiting for me when I am done and it's in my favorite cup. Today is a good day. It's the little things isn't it?

Dear Mr. Watkins, you are my reason for everything I do. You and Hunter are my whole world. You know this right? Dear Atlanta Airport, how I loathe you! You turn this country girl into a nervous wreck! Glad you brought my sweet father in law and brother in law home safely to us though! For that I am thankful! Dear Target, you are nailing it this season! Bought some super cute wedges today that I will rock all Fall. Thanks & you are welcome. I am pretty sure I own a share somehow. Dear No Shave November, you made my sweet husband look like a little boy. A lost little boy. && somehow I love him more for it! However, I cannot wait to see that five o'clock shadow that means his beard is coming back full force! Dear Sugar, how awesome is it that we fight like cats and dogs but at the end of the day all that matters is that somehow we end up side by side looking down at Hunter in his crib thanking God for that precious boy? He, among a million other things, brings us together, && makes us a stronger family. I am in love with watching you love him. I am just in love with you. Period.

Enjoy this great weather, be thankful for what you have and think about those that wish they were in YOUR shoes! I can guarantee they are out there! :)

 

Happy Halloween!!!

So today was one of my most favorite holidays, Halloween. Of course there is also Christmas, Thanksgiving, can't forget fourth of July. Okay, so I love them all, but Halloween just makes me feel like a kid. This year was Hunter's first and I was so very excited. I have to make a confession though. We didn't actually trick or treat, and I sort of wish we had of. However, it was cold and we did dress him up with cousin Will & take their pictures. We had the family over for hotdogs, chilli, cold beer, and cupcakes. It was an all around good time!

My little treat was the SWEETEST cow I have ever seen. He was so loving his costume the other day when we tried it on. Tonight, he was like, "what is this ridiculous thing on my body?!" So we took it off and came inside but it was a good time to be thankful for all the treats we have! Here's some pictures to round out the post!

Hunter adores his Big Daddy!

My sister in law Becky, brother in law Billy & a very angry Captain America! (Will)

Family Halloween picture :) Oh, they are my world!

My treat!

Me, Nana & William

Ever seen a baby cow with a paci?

So not caring about this costume thing!

Hunter my Cow baby!

:)

Nana & her boys